What Is Self-Love and How Does It Help in Life?
We all know the symptoms of being in love with someone else. But what are the symptoms of being in love with ourselves? How do we know when it’s truly self-love?
To be honest, I never thought about this until a few years ago. I didn’t even know it was important. But after I experienced burnout, I changed my mind. Like always, something has to happen before anything changes.
That event helped me define self-love a little better. It all starts with awareness and intention.
Self-Love Practice
I asked my kids how they would describe self-love, and we all had our own definitions. My version of self-love is different from theirs. But the awareness and intention are the same: our inner peace. Self-love means taking yourself seriously and treating yourself with respect. You protect your values and build habits around them.
Let me share my six key elements of self-love and how I implement them in daily life.
1. Self-Care
I’m not just talking about taking a shower or brushing my hair. Every mom probably agrees that physical self-care is a luxury at times and yet, it definitely contributes to self-love. But I’m also talking about personal growth, learning, and self-development.
I was so busy at times that I neglected my desire to grow. It doesn’t matter if it’s a new hobby, science, or a skill. For me, the best way to explore this is through reading. It gives me not only the benefit of development but also some downtime. I try to read every day for at least 30 minutes, preferably before lunch, because I’m more focused then. For you, it might be in the evening or before bed.
2. Energy Management
Especially as a woman, it’s crucial to listen to my body. My natural cycle is like a guide. It tells me exactly when to rest, when to socialize, and when to just get s**t done. I used to ignore it entirely and my reward was burnout.
I no longer live by a 24-hour cycle. I design my life according to my very own rhythm, both in business and in my private life. When my period is around the corner, I know my mood tends to be really low. I have more negative thoughts and a lot of self-doubt. I’m genuinely not happy. But now that I’m aware of this, I adjust my schedule accordingly. No socializing or high-energy tasks. I allow myself to rest and enjoy a lot of me-time.
Related blog post:
My Natural Cycle – I Wish I Knew This In My 20s
3. No Negative Self-Talk
“I’m not good enough” is probably the sentence I’ve repeated to myself the most. The problem is, the more often I say it, the more my brain believes it. Because whatever I think becomes valid eventually.
I spent time reading about this and learned that self-talk, imagination, and memories are processed the same way. Our brain can’t differentiate between a real memory and something imagined. Whatever I tell myself sets the filter for how I perceive reality and how I behave. So, I decided my inner voice should work in my favor. Positive thoughts, baby! Especially when I’m low on hormones due to my cycle.
4. Boundaries
There’s this wise quote:
“The only people who get upset about you setting boundaries are the ones who were benefiting from you having none.”
Boundaries now define my standards. Whatever my core beliefs are, I make sure everyone respects them. Without needing justification or feeling guilt. For me, that means sticking to my routines. I am my first priority. And at work, I now take my lunch break. As a recovering workaholic, that wasn’t easy. And yes, colleagues notice that.
Let me share something I discovered and I hope you find it helpful too:
As soon as I started setting boundaries, a few people were indeed upset. It bothered me, but I ignored that feeling. It wasn’t easy. However, I’ve learned to protect my values better and better. And all of a sudden, people started to respect me. They came to me for advice and accepted my boundaries without pushback. No arguments. No negotiations. Just like that.
5. Meditation
Probably one of the most important things I do for myself. It brings clarity, reduces stress, and gives me a deep sense of inner peace. And it doesn’t really matter how I meditate. What matters is that I get out of my head, activate the alpha state of mind, and let creativity flow.
I meditate at least three times a week, preferably more often.
And because I gave this my personal touch, I wrote an article about it:
How My Meditation Routine Looks Like
6. Gratitude
I practice gratitude quite often. It helps me notice the little things and makes the big issues feel smaller. Sometimes I simply forget about the treasures and gifts I already have. Gratitude helps me remember them.
I usually journal before bed, writing about my day and what went really well. I also note three things I was grateful for that day. If you try this, you’ll be surprised how much there is to appreciate.
Humans tend to forget their present moment. We take a lot for granted when in fact, we shouldn’t. Here are a few examples:
Your life
Your health
Your parents
Your friends
Your job
Your success
What do you take for granted, beyond the examples above?
Self-Love Doesn’t Equal Selfishness
I couldn’t really tell the difference between these two things, especially in my 20s and 30s. I thought I was conceited if I loved myself. But there’s a big difference.
Selfishness means disregarding other people’s feelings, time, or effort. You act purely in your own interest and for your own benefit. You put yourself first, in an unpleasant way.
Self-love, on the other hand, means you take care of yourself so you can show up better in life and for others. It means being mindful of others while still prioritizing your own well-being.
Self-love comes in many forms. You can create habits that nourish your soul and help you manage stress and burnout.
Related blog post:
Feeling Burned Out? These 5 Self-Love Habits Might Help
So How Do You Know It’s Self-Love?
For me, self-love has the same symptoms as loving someone else. I get excited to gift myself a walk on the beach or in the forest. I feel super happy when I spend time with myself in the morning, just sipping my coffee and watching the sun rise.
What’s your favorite treat for yourself? I’m curious and maybe it’s something I’ll want to try too.
